


Legalities

by lookslikecinnamonrollbutwillkillyou



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Plot, Mentions of Death, Not Beta Read, Other, bad language, but only for a second, high key a rant, i am just posting this because i am bored and depressed, low key meaningful, talks about emotional abuse, this is kind of a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 15:06:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17102870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookslikecinnamonrollbutwillkillyou/pseuds/lookslikecinnamonrollbutwillkillyou
Summary: A sort of rant about my life and my relationships that turned into a poor excuse for shitty poetry and a wish for a fairytale future.





	Legalities

“Ok, there is something I would like to clear up. the god/ controller/alien/ things (there are a lot of theories) are A-holes”. Ok no that's out of the way I want to start my toast to my wonderful, beautiful, handsome, overall kick ass, new best friend. Wait…. they are now my a better best friend, I didn’t just meet them on the street there was a pause, ok were just going to stick to the script. A giggle escaped my lips definitely not from the 2 rum and coke’s I chugged out of nerves. “So strap yourselves in your in for a wild ride because I am going to tell you a little story, a story about how I got screwed over by some higher power and was left pining over this bitch for 5 years.” There was a spurt of laughs 

“Ok, it all started around 100 years ago when my grandparents immigrated here from England, na that's not where I’m going to start, it was 7th grade and we sat at the same table, soon to become friends. 

-

“Hi, my names Sammy whats yours.” Small, no bra wearing, terrified of a new school me looked up. “Gina”. There was a pause until I had pulled a book out of my backpack, ‘Percy Jackson and the lightning thief’ that's where the fuck shittery started, as well as a wonderful friendship. 

-

We are now both 13, the world is letting us discover makeup, and boys, and middle school dances you spend weeks thinking and planning for. But we were laying on my bed and wondering why we weren’t, sure Jonny Smith has a nice haircut but when he asked if I wanted to go and hang out somewhere sometime with all of his friends looking on giving thumbs up in the background and the girl next to me squeezed in delight, I didn’t get it. But it was ok because I was a late bloomer, or maybe just to mature for the boy crazy stage. I just wish I could skip the strange Buffy obsession I had around that time in a similar manner.

-

Now around 8 months later we are on the floor of your room crying because my parent's job had moved them again, and I didn’t want to leave this time, this time I had a friend, this time I felt safe and I felt myself. But there were not going back but I did have to do one thing before going forward, you were my best friend and I trusted you more than anything so I told you, “I'm gay” and the best thing happened you hugged me and told me you were non-binary, turns out that Tumblr had taught us a lot more than those stupid ‘so your body is changing books’ or any abstinence only health classes. 

-

A little bit later and where are on a late night phone call and bitting your young until the blood comes is about all you can do to stop yourself from just chopping off your boobs from dysphoria. 3 weeks later a box arrives on your neighbor's step and you run to get the package I bought for you with a stranger credit card, a man at the desk of my local hot topic helped me out as long an I bought him a smoothie from the Jamba Juice across the hall of the mall. 

Inside was a binder that you hid in the back of your closet under a box of old Halloween outfits. From over the years and there it would be before you snuck in in your purse to change into when you went out with friends. 

-

It’s the summer before 10th grade and I am staying at your house for 2 glorious, extremely gay weeks. And that is when I Fell in love hard, it was perfect and quite frankly I was terrified. Then had to go back to the small, religious, right winged town I lived in, the one where kids at my high school had an unnamed game, how many gay kids can they bully to death, to the point of a gun or to the end of a rope. During my sophomore year, they hit a new record, 9. They buried him in a yellow dress with bright ugly pink flowers. 

-

It’s your birthday, the one where your soulmates name shows up in black, were scared, you don’t want it to out you, I don’t want it to be my name, yet I am shaking at the idea that it might not be. 11:46 hits the clock and you hold your wrist up as big bold font appears. Sammy. You tell me. It was the first phone call I ever hung up on without saying goodbye. 

At 5 O’clock that morning I called you back, thankfully you were still up too. We had a long conversation, a serious one, we decided to wait for my sweet 16 and figure it out then, we didn’t tell my mom. And thankfully yours didn’t connect the dots. 

-

Its 3 months later, I had saved up for months from waiting tables to buy a plane ticket to your house. We were in your backyard, the rain was cool and helped with the nerves as we stared at my arm. 4:17 and we are wide-eyed as the letters ampere on my arm Alex. I almost cried with relief, Alex the most gender-neutral name there was my family would never know, but… it wasn’t yours. That would have been difficult anyway, you were still trying to figure out what you wanted the people who knew you were out to call you and it changed (for the special few) about once a week. 

I have to get on the plane back home and I convince myself I am over it, no more long arguments with myself how the friendship we have so much more, that our cuddles were platonic, and no matter how many times we have seen the other naked is just because were conferable, and I sleep in their bed because the cot hurts my back. 

-

Junior year starts and shit hits the fan, I get to see you earlier than planned but it is because you asked me to come and help with your mother funeral preparations because your dad was too much of a wreck, ironic right. The soccer team took backseat and Science club loses a wonderful member because they have to get a job as a barista to help pay living expenses. I wish I could take your place. I screamed at the sky every night and told it to be mean to me not you because you were too happy, and your tears to precious. 

-

The stars answered my calls when my mother had kicked me out. Manby I should have hidden my sparkle more, but she found the folder of photos on my phone dedicated to Latita Wright, Gal Gadot and flags in every color. It was too much for her, after all, there were young children in the house, and she had to choose, keeping the innocence of the 10-year-old who was told by her friend at school that they hoped she was raped by a clown because she had stolen her pen. Or listen to her slightly older, but still afraid-of-the-dark child, the one who just wanted the embrace of a mothers love. 

The night I called you from a 24 hours Denny's boxes of laundry and my few happy memories in the booth across from me, 3/4ths a mile from my house asking what the hell I should do, it was the night you drove 14 hours to come and pick me up from the town I hated too much, when you shielded me from the sun and dried my eyes with your smile and $1 candy bars from Walmart. 

-

At the age of 17 a newly minted legal adult I got in my first real physical fight, a man had slapped your ass and said that is you dressed more like a girl than people would respect ‘you fags’ more. I broke my nose and he broke down crying when the cops showed up and you explained why there was a red handprint on your ass and a black eye on my face. But don’t you worry, were even now you let me borrow the Netflix password that I never did really give back. 

-

Were 18 and we move into our own little apartment in a part of town where there is a cute bakery down the street next to the strip club ‘frisky kitty” where a pair of shoes has been laced together and thrown over the overhanging street lamp*. But it is the best place I have ever lived because it is the only place filled with the atmosphere of a friendship I was still convinced could have been something more if I had looked at the name on your wrist and not the one on mine. Thus the quest for Alex began. 

-

Its three years later the words on our wrist are still black and we are happy, I'm a manager at the biggest restraint in town and your getting your pre-med degree in less than a year, only one thing left in order, a dead girls name rests on your high school diploma, and one your drivers license, and in the eyes of the law. So an appointment is made one for a court date to make the official switch to the name you still will not tell me, the one you chose after 3 years of wondering, questioning, and fear, it was here. 

We when out for ice cream afterward, sitting at a small table in the corner, you say “well I guess introductions are in order”  
“Ya, I guess they are, hello my name is Sammy” I stick out my hand.  
“Hello, my name is Alex” my mouth drops as our wrists burn and black becomes a deep shade of scarlet. “WHAT THE HELL”  
They laugh loudly as I scream furiously at the invisible power that had to be such a stickler for rules. 

-

It is a year and a half later and you finally take the plunge on one nee in front of friends and strangers alike in the middle of a colorful float driving down Main Street. And I try and contain my tears as I retrieve a ring from my pocket as well I had bought a month ago and no words need to be exchanged as the rings slide our fingers a smooth as the smiles on our faces. 

-

Which brings me to now, standing in an outdoor pavilion with to much color for the promises we made to each other to not let this wedding be such a stereotype, and now I am getting eyed down by all of the parents who’s kids have herd to many bad words, oh leave me alone Martha your son is too high off sugar to notice. But who gives a fuck.” I look down to the most beautiful persons in the word smelling up at me, “I just wanted to say, I love you, it was hard to get here, but it was worth it because it looks like you love me too.”

 

 

*that is a sign that you can buy drugs from that location


End file.
